whelloooo

whelloooo! there is a hidden toy down here in the basement that has an alarm..it has been going off for a year now..and I usually forget about it..but like..ummm..since I am down here..I hear it..lol! I don't know where it is..lol..just thought I would say that..
Okay..today at the gym I was doing those calve raise things on the calve machine. you know..the one that rests on your shoulders and has pads and you load up the weights on the bottom? well I was on my 3rd set i think..and the pin came out of it..and the thing crashed down making this huge noise i guess..i did not really hear the noise since my LIFEHOUSE music was up soo loud. it was funny! not really embarassing..probably because I did not hear the whole effect of it.
I am sooo not wanting to do anything. I think it is the heat. it is just soo hot all I want to do it sit around and read my fourth harry potter book and let the kids play. I skipped taking the betagen right now..my brain and mind could not deal with the bloat at this time. maybe later. I think heat makes you tired. is that true? it has been like 108 here! lucky we have trees ya know! okay..bye for now..

my eyes are dry..better take off my contacts..well..not before typing in here k.. anyway.. Ilowered my dose of lamictal today. and I have added 5-HTP to my regimen and it seems to help me feel better..I also started taking some kelp to help with the hairloss too..it is good stuff. I started taking betagen again..needless to say..I am feelin a tad bit bloated at the moment! but I must think..bloated and building muscle..bloated and building muscle! not as much hair came out in the shower today so I am feelin a bit better about that tonight..we will see how that goes. that has just been such a weight on my mind. I am like dr jeckll..mr.hyde when I am not on the medication. I mean..I feel really out of control actually..and on the med I feel alot of control.

okay..sooooo big deal on that..let's talk about LIFEHOUSE shall we? when oh when am I going to get to see my favorite band again? the one band I would drive miles and miles to see...no matter what! cept like..we could not afford to go over east where they mostly have been playing..so maybe I am not that dedicated..lol..but no..really I am! lol!! there is some great pics going up at the Lifehouse MB..lot's of coolness stuff. but..there is some trouble over there. a few nasty people seem to be messing up and coming in and posting crap on that board..hmmmm..sounds familiar doesn't it? maybe this happens on all boards huh? people trying to cause trouble. it seems they are saying in small way they may have to shut it down if things don't get better. I think they just need to throw the crap heads out. it would suck to have the LH MB gone ya know. besides..it is great for new fans to come there and learn all the songs and here all the news..and we need to be on the up about LH..as fans..so we know what is going on..where to be for concerts..new songs..ya know..all the inside stuff! it is a great board. most people are way coolness and I must say..LH fans have got to be some of the sweetest people you will ever meet..I swear! cause my last concert..I met the greatest people! we are friends now that can go to other LH concerts together and just have a great time! I don't think any other band has as sweet of fans as Lifehouse does. they just bring out the good in people..they attract good people with their uplifting music. Heck..I think Jason is great..he does not even say the "D" word ya know..I don't say swear words..but that is the equivalent of dang ya know..lol..but yeah..he is such a great song writer..and we need a band like them in the mainstream these days. I totally want to take my kids to LH soon as I hear of some NORTHWEST DATES! lol! good night!

when I had kids..did I sign up to be responsible and do house work all the time? like..I am soooo not wanting to do that today! I just want to have fun..what is wrong with that? lol..but I am supposed to do things..ya know. I think it is just dang hot today..and I am feeling tired..and just want to I don't know..take the kids places ..but then I get home and house is messy..lol. hey..I really do not feel like an adult..I feel like a teenager still. who says I have to act like one anyway? at least not all the way right? I still need to make sure my kids be good...lol!!! especially at doctors offices and stores right? ummm..yeah! they are playing pretty good right now..and I was talking to my Lifehouse friend from portland on instant messanger. we want to see another conert..perhaps in the northwest....hmmmmmmmm? I can't wait..all I do is wait..my goodness..I can't wait!!!! and I really want to go to portland to that store called Torrid..it is like a hot topic for sizes 12 and up to 26..my goodness...now they call a 12 a plus size? geesh..what is the world coming too?

Well..today has not been the best of best days I guess. I am soo wrapped up in my hair still falling out from my med I have just been going crazy. this medication has done wonders for me..soo much..but the hair loss just keeps getting so frustrating. I have tried getting off of it..and that was not good. I have tried just having faith..it is hard. I know it is a great medication for bipolar..just seems my body is sensitive to it. I am just scared to keep trying other medications because what if there are other side effects with those...different ones..I will have to deal with? some cause weight gain...some cause other stuff. luckily lamictal does not cause weight gain. but the hair loss is bad. my hair has never been so thin. I almost cry everytime I see it this weekend. what is this med worth to me? I am going to..once again..try to lower the dose and add in some natural amino acids and see if that fills in the gap of the lower dosage. my hair did not start falling out till I got up to 175 mg of this stuff. but I keep going thru this..lowering..bringing back up..and so on and so on. I have a pretty firm grasp on life an stuff with bipolar taken care of..it scares me to even go a minute in the wake of insanity. I do not want to chance it. when I am full flegged into bipolar my mind just feels so uncontrollable. I feel weak..like anyone could run me over..my feelings get hurt very easily..very naive..I can't concentrate or relax..I am always worried about something constantly. I hate it. but I do not want to loose hair either. there has got to be a better way out there. I do not think I have to put up with this. I mean..in january it will be a year of being on this med with hair loss if the hair loss persists. I have spent money on expensive shampoos like crazy..all sorts of supplements. I am soooo sick of it. my hair looks horrible and I have always had an importance with my hair. it has always meant alot to me. my mom used to cut my hair off for a punishment to me. I got a really really bad hair cut 2 years ago..or was it 3? well it was soo short cause the lady cut it waaaay to short. it possessed me..I was soo depressed about it. but..the way my hair looks right now..I may have to cut off the last layer so it does not look soo bad...I don't want to! I have been growing this hair out for 2 years now..but it keeps falling out. this is just my sadness at the moment. I just don't know what I am going to do. it just ticks me off sooo much because this is the only problem I am having with lamictal..and other than that..it is a great great medication. I should feel better about this tommorrow after I go see my chiropractor who is a holistic practioner. I just can't stand doctors right now..they piss me off. I like my chiropractor because he really takes an interest in your life..does not rush things..I like going to him. we have had some great stuff happen since going to him. I am hoping to stumble upon some help for me and my bipolar thru him. he knows I have not wanted to be off my med lately..but I get on it and the hair just keeps coming out. I am soooooo...ugh..!!!!!

whelloooo! I have been hanging out at the Lifehouse message board this morning...the only MB I will hang out at now ya know. It is a bit less controversial than talking about diet and exercise stuff on bfl boards i think..lol. I have not been there in a while.it felt great to go there and talk about my favorite band..LIFEHOUSE!!!! I cannot even wait to see them again! hopefully people will not be mosthing at the next conert! you just do not mosh to lifehouse ya know?
well..yesterday i never went to the arts fest...I am going this morning..just me and my 3 yearold girl. mommy and daughter day. I was not feeling good yesterday. usually when I am coming down off of stress...i get very tired and not feeling well. and here is something I did today..very weird. I have lived in black workout pants with the white stripe down the side for like almost a year now..lol! and I decided today to put on some jeans! ha haaa! they look pretty good and I have a tight white JUNIORS size shirt on this morning! I actually did my hair and put on some makeup..oh yeah..babe of the world!
but I want to be a confession person here.yes yes I will.... i am taking a free day today!!!! okay..so I did not last....so I had one on tuesday. but I want to take free days on saturdays the rest of the summer. there is too much fun stuff going on the rest of the summer. but I am not too worried. most likely the free day today will consist of cheese on a salad and full fat dressing! lol..and maybe some fat free yougurt..or like a few regular yougurts..but most importantly...free day today will be not taking food with me everywhere i go today..so that is fun..no workout today either..so that is fun. it will be a fun day. I have a lot planned I guess. I will be going ot the allied arts fest...then heading to the mall..then starting on Harry potter 4! i just finished up 3..WHAMAZING!!! totally trippy..I mean..you do not expect what happened to happen. I will stop there though.don't want to spoil it for anyone k!
so off to arts fest now.

whelloooo!
well that weird strange feeling I was having last night..umm..yeah..still there... but like..no stress I tell ya. I promised I am working on it and I am.
Okay..it is morning time..I got up about 6am..and I went running outside..down by the river! yup..I decided I would start trying outside running. not as boring..more scenic. I really really enjoyed it. but like..aren't people supposed to keep their dogs on leashes? I am really not an animal person..and this huge dog was off it's leash..I was trying to dodge it..and the lady says.."it's only a pup" I am like..there is no way that huge dog looks like a pup! well..I did not say that..was thinking it. and then I just said.."well..I am just not much into dogs" and quickly got away. I saw other dogs on leashes..what was the deal with this one? lol!
I totally missed uppper body yesterday..oh well..life goes on. I did alot of outdoor work yesterday. if I am going to do this body for life..for life..I can't get upset and feel guilty about missing a few workouts. a few in 100 workouts to miss is not bad! lol..I am sure I have done 100 workouts..hmmm..I will have to tally that up.
I am on challenge 3 and this is week 2. I had free day on tuesday..well worth it..let's see if I can go to next sunday shall we?
my hipflexor on my left leg has hurt for awhile..it hurts worse right now from running. I am actually glad because I usually get shin splints not hip flexor ouches. so I guess it is nice to have something different hurting.
today is the Allied Arts festival down in the park by the river I just ran at..they were setting up. I talked to a lady on the running path and asked what kind of booth she had. she said she had real women pictures and shirts..meaning..like the busty women..real looking women...like women from the medievil times when they thought buxom was beautiful. coolness..I will totally check that out! lol..she just had shirts an stuff.. I will tell a little more about it after I go. and there is just a bunch of really coolness things there. I have been waiting for this show all year. when we first moved here last year we went..it was our first week here. it has been a year since we have lived here already! can't believe this..allow me to use a cliche..well..time flys..lol! the only thing that may be hard at this allied arts festival is the smell of homemade ice cream cones. I smelt them on my run this morning..I plugged my nose..well..held my breath! but I am stronger than the homemade ice cream cone..besides..I had one last year..last year when I would cheat eat on my normal bfl days..lol. I don't do that anymore. so that is what is planned today. I am taking Ammon and Ezri for swimming lessons. they go in 2 week incriments and move up a level every two weeks if the instructors think they can. I think they will stay in their levels right now though. Ammon still is working on freestyle and Ezri is still a little short they think to go on to level 2..but they may let her..I will see today.
Okay..this was long..but it doesn't matter..I can blah blah all I want..lol

mood I am in right now..well..a bit freaked out. I think something is up..remember how i said i will take myself away from stress and stop it in it's path? well. yeah...that is what i am doing right now. is there a full moon tonight or something? I think someone is trying to pull something on me..do you ever get that feeling? like I don't know..something is just not right? I must sound paranoid..but I don't think so. I feel so intune with things lately that seem to turn out as I expected. hmmm..interesting. I would like to hope I am wrong about this thing I am thinking is happening..but who knows. we shall see. I bet I just need some sleep. I don't want to fear people the rest of my life...not believe them..I want to believe they are sincere..and sweet..but experiances have taught me now to just be careful..just be on the lookout. I have never been this way before..I feel like I have a new strength..like certain experiances have made me stronger I guess. why do I have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now? something is up...no one who reads this knows what the heck i am talking bout..cept me..lol. just something going on right now I am worried and suspicous about. I truly hope I am wrong too. okay..I am a weirdo..lol..will be off to bed I think. I just had a protein bar and it was nasty..but I just don't have much of an appetite right now..but had to eat something to keep those muscles goin. anyone like kirby vacuums by the way? hmph..salesman!!!

anyone remember the movie watcher in the woods? hmmm..I never ever knew that movie was about an alien. I was soo shocked when we rented the DVD! it shows alternative endings..wowness..very weird. i like the ending I have seen though. I never saw it in the theatres..but I think the alternative endings were in the theatres.I don't know..but weird! that movie has always skerred me! creepiness! and we rented another movie called Joshua. if you are religious..it is a great movie! it made me feel so good yesterday when I was feeling blue. I believe in God and in my religion I call him Heavenly Father..which is who is..our Father in Heaven. I have prayed alot for strength to get thru this whole bfl board matter. it was amazing..while I was trying to find out who this girl was..I prayed that I could be able to find out and work this out...only moments later I stumbled on my answer. Heavenly Father does answer prayers. i believe that soo much. It is nice to know someone else is watching out for us. I think he has a sense of humor..cause I really think he does like me...lol. I have had soo many things happen to me just from a simple prayer..I pray for everything..and I mean everything! there was a dog who was pooping on our lawn.and i don't have a dog..nor do I ever want one..and I prayed that the dog would stop doing that..cause I had no way to find out what dog was doing this..unless i had a camera out there at night..don't have one of those..but guess what? no more dog poop! I pray when I loose my keays in the store..which is often enuff..and i always find them after a prayer. I pray before my workouts alot so i can get thru them since they are soo dang tuff. and although they are tuff..I make it thru. I do not know what i would do if i did not have a relationship with my Heavenly Father..he has really watched out for me..even though he is sooo busy! it makes life much better. knowing there is someone who understands me very well.

well..I mowed the lawn..oh yayness for that! it looks hecka better an stuff! it is just like a huge yard. if you don't like to mow the lawn..you would not ever want my yard I tell ya! still have not done upper body today..may not even get to it. no stress..obla di obla da..life goes on. I will catch up..I promise! business today I tell ya! hey..speaking of life goes on..man..that was my favorite show when I was a kid! well..a teen. I don't think it is still on though. I luved it!
I am thinking of taking some kind of day away for me thing. I just want some time alone. I may ask my husband if I can just go camping by myself. sounds great. I will just lay around and read Harry Potter. I don't know..I have alot to do today. lot's of laundry..and I ran out of soap but do not want to go to the store. it is too hot to go to the store. ya know how it is soo hot you just want to be wet all the time but don't want to deal with a car? I mean..here ya go havin to start it up..just barely get some air conditioning going..and BAM! you are at the store..stoppin the car..goin in for an hour or more..and comin out just to start the process all over waaagain! what's up with dat?
I have a whamazing thing to say..lol..I actually listened to something other than LH today..yup you are readin this right..I actually broke out my old The Cure..kiss me kiss me kiss me cd. yup..it was great. just in a Cure mood today i guess.
I think i am doing a bit better today. feeling happier, less stress..been havin faith things will work out today and everyday. I am recognizing negativity pretty quick when it comes my way..and am getting it out of my life quick. for example..I got an email today I realized is gonna lead to stress and trouble..even if it is a small stress and a small trouble..I recognized it fast..and will remove it from my life. I want my life to flow with peacefulness..I want to be able to deal with things stress free. I think I can do it. i just need to have faith..alot of it too! and here i go...need to go eat..also..my daughter is hungry. she is watching dora the explorer..lol!

good morning journal thingy! I am heading out to mow the lawn..I slept in this morning. so I will be going to do upper body workout later on. maybe around noon when the gym won't have any sassy stuffy women there and will mostly be empty. I have been so stressed I am trying to let things go and just go with the flow today. I wish everyday could be like that. I am gonna try to have a goal to make every day less stressful. I am reading the third harry potter book..it is whamazing! I have a hard time putting it down. I find I just want to go hide out at a campsite in the mountains again and just get cozy and read read read! I could do it too ya know..it would be soooo easy! lol..I could read that book all day long forever! those books are soooo good..no wonder everyone just luvs them! I am seeing some changes in my back side more which is great! it is weird though..I have more fat on my one side of my back than the other..how in the heck does that happen? creepiness! well..I am really luving this blogger thingy..I can write how I want when I want. and no one can stop me..MUWAAHAAAHAAAHAAAAAA!

Well well well....back from the camping trip and I am exhausted! how can something like camping make you sooo tired. actually...my husband did most of the work. he set up the tent..cooked..took down the tent..cooked..blah blah blah. he is sooo sweet. I was a crab the whole time. I guess I am still a bit upset over the whole nasty ocean ophelia thing. I mean..I thought I would be over it by now. I am trying soo hard not to let it get me too down. but I keep hearing that word and phrase..."you're fat" over and over again in my mind. I had no idea that whole thing would hurt soo much. it has really taken a toll on things. and the fact that I knew the person...this is one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. I wish it never happened. It just makes me wonder how many others felt that way about me..how many others still think I am a huge monsterous cow who has made no progress? People post on the bfl site how great you look after you put up your photos..but how many really mean it or are just trying to be nice? and the fact this person still goes back to the board as if nothing has happened...man..that irks. good thing I go to a therapist..I need some help getting thru this one. maybe I am sheltered but I can't imagine how someone can be soo cruel. why is this still bothering me soo much? I deleted the nasty message. but I have to keep going on. I just have to keep telling myself I am making progress..I am I am! I know this will pass soon..just need more time is all. but this whole thing kind of was in the back of my mind the whole trip. it was two days. and we swam alot. it was really really dark and skerry to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. and we all know I drink mass water..so I had to make a few trips. dark dark woods it was! I had the big blue mag lite..but it was still sooo dark and creepy. was worried about some werewolves...lol! okay..that would really not be funny with werewolves around!
we bathed in the lake the first night and took showers the next night. I had to bathe in the lake ya know! and tuesday morning I went running for my cardio. I was worried I would not be able to breathe well cause I am used to running indoors..but actually..I had no trouble with the outdoor air..it was better than the air down here for sure! and then once I got back I decided to have my free day cause I wanted to eat camping food really bad. so no freeday on sunday..I will have to wait till next sunday..but I can do it. ofcourse I can! so I will have double cardio workouts this week..no problem I say!
I am still worried about loosing my hair..I know it is from my medicane lamictal I have been on since january. but..I need it right now. it has made such a difference in my life. I am just hoping the hair loss will stop soon. I pray for it all the time. I loose alot..luckily I have alot of hair. but still I notice how think it has gotten. I have tried everything under the sun. the shampoo I use helps it grow faster but it is still falling out fast too. that is what sucks..I luv my medicane but the only dang thing keeping it from being the best is the hair loss side effect. why does there always have to be just one thing? if it is not one thing it is another. I am sorry..I have had a down day today. and I did not do my upper body workout today which is my favorite. I will do both tommorrow I think..cardio and uppper. ate clean..at least clean to my standards today..which involves.oh my goodness..whole wheat bread of all the horrid things! lol! I just was exhausted from camping that I did not want to go back to the gym. we even missed my sons soccer game tonight..we kept him home to rest up..we were all just soo dang tired. must be cause we are not used to camping..lol..I don't know. one great thing about this trip is..I saw my old girls camp I went to when I was 14! I am 26 now..and we were driving up to go camping..and I told my husband that I saw the old place I had girls camp one year! I had been trying to find out where and what it was since we moved here last july. I had such great memories of being there..I was soo excited to find it. see when I was 14 we lived in bellevue washington..then moved to utah..and I was in utah till I was 21 I think...then me and my husband moved to boise..then now here ..to richland washington. and I just was aching to find out where that old girls camp was. my favorite years of my life when I was teen was when we lived in bellevue wasthington. I met myfirst head over heels boyfriend..I found my favorite music..depeche mode and the cure..stuff like that..I just loved the climate..the rain..cool temps..and I lost weight there too and surprised everyone when I went back to school! then we moved..... but I was soo happy to find that girls camp. It all came flooding back to me when I saw it! the lake..the lodge..oh it was great! I have been searching for it since we moved here..now we can go up camping there sometime..if we can get in..everything was booked thru august..lol
Okay..now onto lifehouse! I really want to go to another concert..but they seem to be taking august off..and then heading to our UK friends in september. my next chance looks to be october..when challenge 3 ends. last time I saw LH it was the end of challenge 1..so I am hoping LH concerts are like an end of challenge present I get to have! I just need to get feeling better about myself..I have some work to do..I am trying to not let that horrid MB experiance get me down..I will be working on it..I promise!

Okay..I am off out of town now! I am soo excited this will be soo much fun..I hope we have everything we need! yayness..swimming swimming swimming..all my food is packed so I will be on blf track.will write more when I get back! sorry this is so short..not realy like me to be all short an stuff...

I am trying to get ready to go on the camping trip. did lower body workout this morning..nothing too special..just a normal workout. and I just wanted to say if anyone from the bfl message board reads my blog..please keep it off the message board. these are my thoughts and feelings and we don't need to start a riot there just when things are back to normal. just a small suggestion..well a big one. I am no longer affiliated with the bfl womens board and actually am not a member any more. this way here I can go off on my tangets..I am usually so off topic on bfl women's board. but if you come here and read..lol..do so at your own risk. lol and no nasty emails either okay. I don't take crap from anyone anymore. (that is meant in the sweetest way possible..lol!) boy..I tend to lol alot don't I? lol!

well..the only thing about this camping trip is I hope there is no snakes in the place..I no likey snakes..not my friends. I ate a sandwich whole wheat bread ofcourse..with some hamburger on it...ohhhh noooo..I am eating bread! what will we do! and I took a free day! oh my goodness! this is sarcasim ya know. the great thing about me and free days is the next day after free days the rest of the week I have no desire to cheat at all. it feels great. no more emotional bind to food. I never ever cheat during the week..of course according to some..whole wheat bread is cheating..well..this is body for life..not body for 12 weeks. I have to do what works for me for the rest of my life. ordinarily for the rest of my life..I would have free days...I would eat bread..at least I know what works for me. oh happy day!

Well..it looks like we may be going on a small camping trip a couple hours a way from here for just a few days..monday and tuesday. here is my workout plan. I will do my lower body tommorrow early in the morn..then tuesday morning I will go do run or hike for cardio..then wednesday just hopefully go do upper body workout later when we get home..or ummm..just like...do it on thursday or sumfin. and I won't have to pack as much bfl food..really easy..not any stress. no 12 hour drive. and there is a lake there..I luv to swim in lakes! it will be a rakin good time! my husband will take my son fishing and I will go swim or hike with my daughter Ezri. Ezri is almost 4 in september and Ammon is almost 6 in August.

About the incident on the bfl message board when that gurl went all psycho on me...well it was a gurl who has been a member of the group for a long time..she was always very nice to me..always told me my after pics looked good..always tried to encourage me..even though we had our diagreements from time to time..I thought we were somewhat becoming friends. we used to email eachother sometimes off board..I liked talking to her..then I guess she had some stuff she really wanted to say to me..so she logs in as a different user with a different id and proceeds to dig in. she still denys what she did. ofcourse..why would she own up to it? I told her I am always waiting here..ready to forgive and patch things up. but she still wants to deny it..even though the evidence is fully against her out there. I had that nasty email from her ..and finally got up the nerve to totally delete it yesterday. I knew if I held onto it..I may read it and actually start believeing those words she said to me. it was hard to delete it though.. I also deleted everything from her. that was kind of hard to do..cause of like..all the nice emails she sent me. it was just weird seeing all the nice emails..then that mean one..it was like a completely different person. very weirdo if you ask me. I will not trust online people very easily anymore..nor will I be a member of very many yahoo groups again. It took alot to delete all the stuff from her..I can't believe how hard that was..but it really has helped the incident disapear a little more from my brain. helped my life go on ya know. so life goes on..until a few hours from now..

Okay..I will be trying this blog thing out again..kind of confused but that's okay!

Well..today I am feeling great. we were supposed to go on a trip but for many reasons cancelled it. just is a really stressful time to go on a trip at the moment. how would you like it if someone you knew for a couple of years suddenly turned on you? called you nasty stuff...ya know. All I can say..be careful on the internet..there are true web psychos out there ya know..lol we were supposed to go on a camping trip..actually a family reunion..but I really felt wrong about it..for many reasons..this whole thing with a friends betrayl..some other stuff..and then packing bfl food for seven days..in a cooler seemed kind of stressful too. driving 12 hours to Utah to go camping at a spot with no swimming and no showers..for four days. I shower everyday and do not know how not too..also bath my kids every day too. have you ever been camping for four days in a place where you cannot wash yourself off at least in a river or sumthin? well..I have never been camping without at least a place to get clean. that is what this place where the family reunion would be. and in 100 degree weather mind you...no water to go in in 100 degree weather..not good. so we are deciding what to do since my husband man Evan took a week off of work..do we go on a small camping trip near here? or do I just make him help me finish painting the front room this week? I mean..I mean..I can't make him help me..now how nice would that be of me? he is sooo nice and very helpful and supportive to me. I really luv him!
well..today is free day..meaning I can eat whatever I want today since I have worked soo hard in the gym this week. I could not do running yesterday cause my legs were killin..so I did the elliptical. if we do end up going camping for a few days.. Iwill just do some major swimming and hiking and squats an stuff for lower body day. so far today I ate some icecream and like some tortillas with cheese in it..and ofcourse..the carb load is making me crash and feel tired when I would not normally be tired..but I got to eat some cheese! WOOT WOOT for cheese!
I feel great..I seem to feel very strong after this incident with a friend on the internet who betrayed me..I feel like now..I just do not care what people think of me. I am doing my workouts and stuff for myself..it just hit me like a brick..I am doing it for myself..I am happy being myself..my life is fun..my kids and husband are fun..it is fun! so like I will write more later k..hope this thing works! lol
Kathi
WHELLOOOO from the world below!